Patchies! It's your birthday, darlin. I got some pretty plants for you. One is a dwarf oleander and one is a blue daze ground cover. I'll try to make them grow all year, baby.
There's so much to say, son. And all of it hurts.
Climb into Our Lady's arms and smell her perfumed hair and let her hold us together until we all reunite.
❤, Mommy
Friday, August 17, 2018
Thursday, August 16, 2018
To Daniel, with love.
Daniel,
Today, I dropped your sister off at school for her third grade year. I didnt walk her in, because I couldnt bare to. I let her big girl self go in there and own it, because today, I was supposed to hold your little hand and walk you down the kinder hall, and show you your seat and help you get your back pack in your locker. And take your picture, and kiss your good face. You would have made so many friends, you would have been so funny. Probably Jocelyn would be mad because we'd sometimes laugh when we would have parented her, and she'd be right. You'd probably love your teacher, and I'd probably be jealous of all the time she gets with you (I know myself, and I dont mind being honest.) You probably would already know so many things like how to write your name and your ABCs and probably how to add and subtract just from watching and playing with Jocelyn, but you'd do amazing things little boy. You'd change hearts the way you already have.
I'd come home and me and Patchies would have our first ever real live "just us" day. We'd plan his third birthday, and maybe even make his cake.
This week was supposed to be different. In my mind it is different. Because you are both so real to me.
Instead, today I've got a little work to do. And then Mommy's going to sign up for classes in October. I know I'll be good at it, because you taught me how to truly care for people, to see past their smiley faces and learn about the layer underneath.
I wish I could brush your bright red hair back and kiss your forehead, and tell you to be a good boy, but I know you are, Son. You are a very beautiful sweet good boy. And Mommy loves you.
Today, I dropped your sister off at school for her third grade year. I didnt walk her in, because I couldnt bare to. I let her big girl self go in there and own it, because today, I was supposed to hold your little hand and walk you down the kinder hall, and show you your seat and help you get your back pack in your locker. And take your picture, and kiss your good face. You would have made so many friends, you would have been so funny. Probably Jocelyn would be mad because we'd sometimes laugh when we would have parented her, and she'd be right. You'd probably love your teacher, and I'd probably be jealous of all the time she gets with you (I know myself, and I dont mind being honest.) You probably would already know so many things like how to write your name and your ABCs and probably how to add and subtract just from watching and playing with Jocelyn, but you'd do amazing things little boy. You'd change hearts the way you already have.
I'd come home and me and Patchies would have our first ever real live "just us" day. We'd plan his third birthday, and maybe even make his cake.
This week was supposed to be different. In my mind it is different. Because you are both so real to me.
Instead, today I've got a little work to do. And then Mommy's going to sign up for classes in October. I know I'll be good at it, because you taught me how to truly care for people, to see past their smiley faces and learn about the layer underneath.
I wish I could brush your bright red hair back and kiss your forehead, and tell you to be a good boy, but I know you are, Son. You are a very beautiful sweet good boy. And Mommy loves you.
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